Friends?
by voodoobuddha
Summary: Knowing that if he thought loud enough she’d be able to pick it up, he imagined himself throttling Mal with one hand while slapping him with the other. When she turned her gaze to him, she was grinning and he found he was grinning right back
1. Friends?

Disclaimer- I own Joss Whedon and therefore I also own the Firefly 'verse and all related characters by proxy. Don't believe me? Yeah, didn't think you would. 

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She'd become crew during the bank job on Lilac. He was in awe of her abilities at the Maiden Head. He'd pitied her on Miranda, and he'd begun to respect her after she slew the reavers on Mr. Universe's moon. He couldn't, however, remember when she'd become his friend. He did remember the exact day he'd realized though.

Jayne had just finished taking apart Coral and he had all her pieces spread across the dinner table when Mal stormed into the kitchen, Inara hot on his tails. They were bickering again. Jayne would have left just to avoid having to listen to them argue, but he didn't want to leave his girl so he sent a glare towards the oblivious couple and did his best to tune them out while he polished his gun.

He was doing such a good job of ignoring the captain and the companion that he didn't notice River come into the kitchen until she took the seat next to him. When he looked up at her, he saw that she was frowning at the fighting pair.

Knowing that if he thought loud enough she'd be able to pick it up, he imagined himself throttling Mal with one hand while slapping him with the other. When she turned her gaze to him, she was grinning and he found he was grinning right back, enjoying their little inside joke.

"They fight for dominance." River explained.

Jayne grunted his agreement and returned to the steel in front of him.

"They fail to realize that the title of Alpha goes to the dog most capable of protecting the pack, or that the position is already taken."

Wait, was she saying that he was the rightful leader of their little family?

Jayne looked back up at her to see that she's giving him an amused little smile. It takes him a second to realize that she's pointing straight at her own nose.

"Oh, hell no, Crazy!" he yelled as River jumped out of her seat and ran for the cargo bay, giggling.

He failed to notice that his outburst had startled the kitchen's other occupants into silence. He didn't see them tense, fearing another butcher knife incident, or how their fearful shock turns to confusion when they see him, uninjured and grinning, bolt from his chair to chase after their pilot yelling, "I could take ya any time I wanna! Ain't no ruttin' way I'm lower on tha chain a command than any _feng le_ little girls!"


	2. What the gorram hell does that mean?

Disclaimer- I own Joss Whedon and therefore I also own the Firefly 'verse and all related characters by proxy. Don't believe me? Yeah, didn't think you would. 

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Simon is cleaning the infirmary in anticipation of the coming job and the bullet wounds that would inevitably land someone in the bright little room. He tries his best not the think that next time it could be his sister lying in front of him instead of Mal or Jayne. He refuses to acknowledge that the average amount of lost blood has gone down drastically since his mei mei started going on jobs and continues to let worry niggle at him.

He is just finishing his ritualistic scrub down when he hears the big merc bellow, "Ain't no ruttin' way I'm lower on tha chain a command than any feng le little girls!"

Not a second later he sees River run past yelling over her shoulder, "Take consolation in the fact that Simon is the Omega!"

Just then Jayne comes into view, barreling after her. The big man pauses when he sees Simon standing just inside the infirmary door.

"What tha hell does that mean, Doc?"

"Well, Omega is the last letter of the Latin alphabet…" Simon begins in shock.

"Ne'er mind," Jayne waves the smaller man off before continuing in his chase, "What tha _gorram_ hell does that mean, Crazy!?"


	3. Just like his papa

Disclaimer- I own Joss Whedon and therefore I also own the Firefly 'verse and all related characters by proxy. Don't believe me? Yeah, didn't think you would. 

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Okay, I originally was only going to make this a one-shot but I was having too much fun with it. I might add one or two more chapters and they'll probably be a whole lot longer just like Myth87 asked for.

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It's the sound of Jayne yelling, "I done asked you a question, girlie! What in tha hell did ya mean?!" that pulls Zoë out of her sorrowful thoughts.

"The Omega dog is the lowest of the low, the most abused, and least important! Simon is the Omega dog!" River squeals in excitement as she runs away from the grinning merc.

"Damn straight he is!" Jayne replies, standing just a tad straighter before crouching and beginning to chase the reader through the cargo bay and around the crates, feral, preditory smirk in place.

Zoë can just hear Wash say, "_Well, thank Buddha it's not me anymore_.". He would have winked at her if he were here. River must have caught that thought as she pauses, for just a second, to wink and grin in the ex-soldiers direction before returning to her game.

The first mate watches in amusement as the two most dangerous people on the ship play like children, giggling and grinning. She can almost feel her dead husband standing next to her as she imagines what he'd think of this little scene.

_"Aw, honey, can I go play with the kids too? Can I? Can I, please?"_

River faints right before going left around a large crate and Jayne, stupidly, falls for it. They are both breathing hard and laughing as the little girl leads the large man on one more lap around the bay before sprinting towards the infirmary.

_"Do you think our kid will be more like River or Jayne? I can handle River. She's weird and cute, but I don't think I could do mean and ugly."_

Zoë rubs the rapidly growing protrusion of her belly as she smiles. "I think he'll be just like his papa." she says to the now empty cargo bay.


	4. I'd like to see you try it, sir

Disclaimer- I own Joss Whedon and therefore I also own the Firefly 'verse and all related characters by proxy. Don't believe me? Yeah, didn't think you would. 

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It's Mal stomping past the infirmary screaming, "Jayne, you hurt my government trained psychic assassin, I will end you! I'm gonna need her help to land this boat tomorrow and keep the both of us from gettin' shot at!", that finally gets Simon's feet moving.

The two men have almost made it to the cargo bay door when River comes running over the threshold. She almost smacks right into them but manages to pirouette around their prone forms a bare second before impact and runs up the stairs towards the kitchen.

"River?" Simon asks tentatively as he watches her race away. He is still gaping after her when he feels Mal grab his sleeve and pull him roughly away just as Jayne bounds into the room and through the spot that the young surgeon had just vacated.

The hired gun is half way up the stairs before he turns around unexpectedly and jumps back down, _'I'm gonna cut 'er off at tha pass.'_ he thinks, an unholy smirk on his face, as he runs back into the cargo bay. Mal follows after him screaming the big man's name. Jayne is on the catwalk before the captain's yelling registers and he stops to throw a pleading look over the railing.

"Aw, _Mal_, she's gonna get away."

"_Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng_! Ain't like there's anywhere she can go! Now, get your _pigu_ down here and explain to me why you are chasin' that skinny little thing all over my ship."

"Girl said sumthin' 'bout how she gets ta be tha Alpha dog cuz'n she's the toughest an' I'm aimin' to prove her wrong. Can I go now?"

"So you can beat-up my _mei mei_?!" Simon squeaks from the doorway.

"Your sister took out a whole army a reavers. I'm sure she can handle _one_ mean ol' merc." Mal looks towards the new voice and is almost floored by the smile on his first mate's lips. He was sure that it had perished with Wash.

Jayne takes advantage of the captain's distraction and runs for it, pausing only long enough to yell, "She comes back this way, you grab 'er, Mal."

Mal is ready to yell at his retreating form and demand he come back, but Zoë stops him. "They're just playing, sir. Leave 'em be."

Mal gapes at her for a moment. "Your pregnancy is making you all sorts a tolerant, Zoë."

"I imagine it is, sir." her smile grows just a bit.

"When am I gonna have my first mate back?"

"The doctor says five months, sir."

"Five! _Five?!_ Ain't she due to pop in three, Doc?"

"Well...Yes, but she's going to need some time to recuperate." Simon says, scratching the back of his head and staring after the mercenary.

"She's just havin' a baby. What's there to recover from? Ain't womenfolk been havin' babies since the beginning of time?"

"I'd like to see _you_ try it, sir." Zoë smirks.

"Well...I _can't_."

"Actually, you could." Simon says absently, "Um...There is some incredible research being done with transsexuals involving gene restructuring and cloned organs..." The doctor begins to explain when he notices Zoë and the captain eyeing him.


	5. You're it

Disclaimer- I own Joss Whedon and therefore I also own the Firefly 'verse and all related characters by proxy. Don't believe me? Yeah, didn't think you would. 

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River had tried to explain to him once what reading minds was like. She'd compared it to trying to listen to several different broadcasts, on numerous vid-screens, at different volumes, all at once. The quietest thoughts were drowned out by the loudest, and the closest ones always seemed a bit louder than the ones playing at the same volume farther away. She'd used a bit of crazy talk and several big words, but he'd gotten the jist of it. When she'd finished talking, he'd called her crazy and told her to go bug Kaylee, all the while filing what she'd said in a mental folder marked _'Useful Things to Know'_, right next to how many rounds each of his girls held. He still hadn't trusted her at that point and he'd figured that the information would come in handy if he was ever forced to ambush her, he'd just never figured that it'd be for the sake of a game. So he stands, cold wall pressed firmly against his back, doing his best to think quietly.

From where he is positioned he can see a small sliver of the kitchen, just enough to see Inara sitting at the table and frowning into her tea. Carefully, knowing that the companion would never wear that sort of expression if River were in the room with her, Jayne peeks around the corner towards the bridge and he spots her. She is standing with one hand pressed against the wall, the other hand on her knee, bent over and breathing hard. Jayne grins.

His triumphant glee must have been loud enough to overpower Inara's indignation, because River spins on the balls of her bare feet and looks directly at him. With no reason to stay hid or be quiet anymore, Jayne steps out of the stairwell. The two killers stare at each other for a moment; River trying to decide her next move and Jayne tensed, ready to react. Their stalemate is broken when River turns and runs for the cockpit. Jayne is moving towards her before she has even taken two steps, his larger stride bringing him within feet of the young woman as she goes to slam the outer bulkhead on him.

River is using every ounce of her strength, trying to close the large man out, but he is holding her back with the strain of only one arm. She can see him smirking at her evilly through the little window and hear him chuckling through the widening gap between the door and the wall.

"Genius like you shoulda known I'd win in a test a' strength 'tween tha two a' us." Jayne remarks insolently. River knows he is right as she watches the door slowly inch open. She is no match for him in raw power, but she can surpass him in many other arenas.

She quickly lets go of the bulkhead and runs into the cockpit, heading for the well in front of the pilot's console. She can't beat him in muscle mass, but she can use it against him. There are places with in the ship that Jayne could never hope to reach.

He is almost knocked over when his counter weight suddenly disappears on him and the door is thrown wide, but he manages to keep enough of his balance to run after the skinny little girl who is sprinting for the empty area at the helm of the ship. A light bulb clicks on in his head and he speeds up trying to catch her. There is only one place in that direction where she could possibly escape him and he's not going to give her the chance to get at it.

She's almost to the bottom when he reaches the stairs between the stations, and, without thinking, he jumps over the steps and tackles the girl to the ground. The resulting tussle isn't anything special considering what both participants are capable of, but it's fast, furious, and neither Jayne, nor River, are going to come out of it without at lease a few bruises. If they'd been seriously fighting, the injures on both sides would have been much greater.

The struggle finally stops when Jayne manages to pin River beneath him; knees on either side of her hips, feet locked over her calves to keep her legs immobile, and hands holding her forearms on either side of her head. Jayne looks down at her face. They are both smiling hard and panting even harder.

"Who's tha Alpha dog _now_, huh?" he smirks as she struggles beneath him.

"I am." she responds, eyes flashing with laughing defiance.

"Wrong answer." Jayne moves her arms above her head so he can grab them both at the wrist with one hand before bringing his now free hand down to tickle her ribs. She bucks and wriggles, trying to free herself, but he is too heavy for her to move.

"_We both are! We both are_!" River manages to gasp out between laughs causing Jayne to stop his torture.

"Explain that ta me." he demands.

Neither of them notice Kaylee, who'd come to the bridge to check on a parts shipment over the cortex, silently retreat, a surprised yet happy smile on her face as the thought '_That's jus' all manner a' shiny_.' floats around in her brain.

River is flushed from exertion and excitement. She is panting, trying to catch her breath. "You are Alpha Male. I am Alpha Female." She says when she's breathing almost normally.

"Aw, hell, Crazy. Couldn't ya have just said that at tha beginning? You'd a' saved us both a whole lotta time _an'_ energy."

"Couldn't. Mal wouldn't have liked it. He knows what that means better than you."

"So? What does it mean?"

She's smiling at him in a way that is making him nervous and he's not liking it. Angry, because that's his default emotion when nervous, and growling, he asks her again, "What does it mean?"

"Traditionally, the Alpha Male and Alpha Female are..." her smile grows wider, "_mates_."

The rusty cogs of his brain are turning now more than they have in a long time, and all he can manage is a, "Huh?" as he tries to work out if she's saying what he thinks she's saying. He doesn't have to think on it long because out of nowhere, she's kissing him. It's a chaste and innocent little kiss just on the corner of his mouth, but he throws himself back from her as if she'd tried to cut him again, simultaneously checking to make sure nobody saw.

"You're it!" she exclaims cheerily as she pulls herself off the floor and runs out of the bridge. He can only watch her retreat with wide, dazed eyes, silently mourning the friendship he didn't realize he'd had, and in no way earned, as it starts to become something else entirely.


End file.
